Imagine, If You Will...

...approximately 40 children, ages 12-14, 30 or so of them female, milling around in a small-ish area. Now, imagine having to get those 30 female teens (or almost teens) into dresses that THEY had responsibility of making sure, previously, were on the correct hanger with their names on them. That's how my evening began last night. My daughter had a choir concert. Normally it's a non-issue. We go, we listen, we enjoy seeing all the kids improving throughout the year, we go home. Last night's though, was their BIG show. Full concert choir, girls choir, boys choir, and show choir. I'm not sure how their director does it on a regular basis!

The show choir had contest a few weeks back and it was the first time they'd actually worn their dresses. After contest they were instructed to make sure they'd put their dresses back on THEIR hanger and their shoes back in the box that had THEIR name on it. Last night we pulled everything out just as they'd put it away. An experiment in following directions, if you will. It actually went rather well. We only had 2 dresses mixed up, though it did make for some amusement when one girl came out with her dress hanging off her and another came out with one on that was obviously too small. At contest their bra straps had been pinned to the straps of their dresses but this night we weren't going to have time to unpin them all so their director and I went around the room tightening bra straps to keep them hidden. There were just a few we still had to pin and a couple of quick adjustments to dresses made with pins. They would have just 6-7 minutes to get out of their dresses and back into their "street clothes" for the rest of the concert. Challenging!!

The shoes were a totally different subject! The girls started rifling through the large tote that held the boxes and many, many girls were saying they couldn't find their shoes. I took all the boxes out of the tote, set them on end with names facing up, and instructed them to put the boxes with their stuff so we could keep them separated. Apparently some couldn't recognized their own names. I couldn't help but laugh. Oh, and there was a missing tie for the boys...I think that was finally found. And we had one girl who thought she was using anti-static spray on her dress when it was actually hairspray. Fun times!

I enjoyed the first part of the show. The kids are really starting to improve in tone and control. It's beginning to become pleasant, actually. Any of you who've lived through the elementary concerts know what I mean! As the show choir got to the end of their set, I rushed (along with a couple other parents) back into the room to keep time for the girls to get changed, unpin those who needed it, and in general keep them moving. Seven minutes to teenage girls is TOTALLY different than what a clock says. After shooing out the last couple stragglers, we rushed back into the audience to enjoy the rest of the show. I was surprised at how well these girls policed themselves and each other, helped each other out, and in general got along. I'm sad that their show choir season is over. I love seeing my daughter and all the other girls dressed up in their sparkly red dresses and the boys in shiny silver dress shirts and ties. I love watching them gain confidence as they learn the dance steps, learn the songs, and finally get to put them together.

This does not end the work for my daughter, though. ((Unapologetic brag-time!) She's been selected by the director to go to state honor choir. It's the highest honor in the public schools for their band and choir students. It's the best of the best. They (she's in the treble choir) will be performing 5 songs. She has less than a month to learn the songs to as close to perfection as she can without practicing them during regular choir class at school. She now uses her study halls to practice. I'm incredibly proud of her. She just thought to ask me the other day if I'd gone to honor choir. She knows I spent a great deal of my time in school in all kinds of choirs. Show choir (though we called it swing choir), treble, full, acapella...even did a solo once. But, no, I was never selected for honor choir. She's already one-upping her mom.

I love it!

Epic Rant (Home School Edition)

I know two families, personally, who are home schooling. I know many more families who either have in the past or are contemplating doing it at some point. I know that the education level of a home schooler is superior to public and privately schooled students. I also know the subject matter is wider in range and more fully understood.

This pisses me off: "Now those home schooled kids who don't have any interaction with other kids..."

I was reading an op/ed piece in our local paper discussing the "new" fully online "public school" and if they're legal. Of course, there's some discussion that they should not be able to collect full-time student fees from the state since they are fully online with no face-to-face time at all. Some are saying it's essentially home schooling without the parents having to do the teaching. I'm fine with the discussion...but as soon as "home schooling" comes up people go nuts!
I mentioned it in passing to my in-laws one day and the look on my mother-in-law's face was classic. She then went on to try to tell me that one of her relatives (a teacher for many years) said it's so much work and really not worth it. I'd never told them that I knew folks who were doing it already...so I informed them of that and the fact that yes, it takes some work to get set-up, but it's not so much that it's troublesome and there's lots of support to help you get started if you want to. I reminded them that we have a large group of home schoolers here in our town and county. If you mention home school to almost anyone who works for the public schools there is an immediate freak-out of epic proportions. It amazes me.

"At first, the rudiments of literacy and arithmetic were taught inside the family, assuming the parents had those skills. Literacy rates seem to have been much higher in New England, and much lower in the South. By the mid-19th century, the role of the schools had expanded to such an extent that many of the educational tasks traditionally handled by parents became the responsibility of the schools" (emphasis mine...from wikipedia History of Education in the United States)
What is wrong with going back to teaching my own children? Why do people assume that if one chooses to home school that the kids are socially inept and/or backward, that they're isolated, and that all they do is school work from sun up to sun down? Why do people assume that if one chooses to home school they're some kind of religious zealot or conspiracy nut? When I had my children they became my responsibility and I take that responsibility seriously...including their education. If I don't think the public school is cutting it, I have the choice and the right to choose a different course of action up to and including home schooling and those who do choose to home school should not be looked down upon for taking the responsibility on themselves. Instead they should be applauded for giving so much of themselves to their children, for being responsible and loving and wanting to make sure that their children get the very best. Just like any other parent.

"Mom, You're Weird!"

My children learn early that I'm not always what you would call normal. I tend to embarrass them, especially the older one. I'm not adverse to acting oddly in public. I've walked around a mall with two girl friends while we were wearing tiaras...just because we could. Even hopped out of the car to grab a pack of cigarettes wearing the tiara, my pant legs rolled up and wearing the disposable flip-flops from a pedicure. That was fantastic! I do it to make people wonder, sure. But I also do it to prove that embarrassment, although no fun, is fleeting and most people will soon forget if you happen to become embarrassed in public. Even if you can't seem to forget it.


I also do it because it's fun to just cut loose and be obnoxious.



(Yeah, I'm normal...for a freak!)





Last weekend again brought a round of the weirds. I walked by a box of pinwheels. That's all it took. Hubby had the son in a different part of the toy section and I was walking around with the girl. I grabbed two pinwheels (matching, of course!) and suddenly I'm running through the toy section of a large chain store, pushing a shopping cart while holding the pinwheels out to the side and screaming, "Weeeeeeeee, we, we, weeeeeeeeeeeee!" If I had actually thought it out I would have gone over a row and gotten a helmet to put on first....but, it was impulsive and I didn't think of it at the time.


Hubby must have known it was me. Really, who else would be doing something like that? He popped around the corner and we dissolved into a mass of laughter. The son kept looking at toys he absolutely had to have because he saw a commercial for them on television. The daughter couldn't decide if she wanted to laugh with us or hide and claim to not know us. It ended up being a little bit of both. She's learning. I'm not exactly sure what she's learning.





It might just be that her mother is weird.

So Does Mine!

"Mom! My butt hurts!!!"

(Under my breath) "Yeah, so does mine. Different reason, though." (Out loud) "What's wrong with your butt?"

"I have poop on it!"

"Let me see." (He drops his pants and moons me) "You do not."

"It's still inside!"

"Well then go poop on the potty and stop yelling at me!"

"I don't have to right now." (And goes back to watching his movie)

Am I allowed to squeeze the shit out of my son so we can get this done and over with?? Pretty please?

Welcome to My World!

I should probably start by introducing myself, my family, and the world I'm taking you into...and give you a warning to enter at your own risk. I try very hard to keep my sense of humor even in the face of overwhelmingly shitty circumstances, so sometimes you might find my reaction to things as, well...odd. I tend to rant when the mood strikes me. I might offend you. I hope I make you laugh (or at least chuckle) along with me as I navigate this thing called motherhood.

I'm not a "new mom". I've been at it for almost 13 years. She was easy. Was. Now we're entering those wonderfully hormonal teenage years. Four and a half years ago we added him. He's not been easy since pregnancy. I don't anticipate he'll get much easier soon. But I love them both like I love oxygen and beer. And cigarettes. And chips and salsa when I have pms. You get the idea.

I've been married for over 15 years...to the same man AND the father of my children. Pretty boring, huh? He is, sometimes. He also makes me laugh hysterically when I need it the most. And the best part is that he's given me the greatest gift of all...the ability to be at home with my children when they're little.

A little about my children in a general way. My daughter is incredibly intelligent. She is also going through that stage where being "smart" gets in the way of being popular within the group she hangs out with on a regular basis. Regularly I want to smack her up-side the head and/or tell her to pull her head out of her ass. Oh, wait. I *have* told her to pull her head out of her ass already! She is learning the lesson that parents aren't supposed to be your friend. She's not fond of it. However, she is as unique and special as I'd ever hoped to get for a daughter. At 8 she had a blue mohawk for a hairstyle. At 10 we turned her into a redhead. At 11 she went blue-black. Right now she's got the back a bright red and the front white-blonde. Her clothing choices are as unique as her hair. She is amazing.

My son doesn't like to wear clothes. Right now he's sitting, completely naked, watching cartoons. We're starting small...you need to at least put underwear on. Even that is a struggle. I put them on him. He takes them off and puts them in weird places. I once found a pair of his undies in my pantry by the cereal. He is stubborn, mouthy, sometimes destructive, and all boy. He likes his grandpa's tractors. He loves his grandma playing hide-and-seek in their giant pine tree. He's been bitten in the ass by a neighbor's dog. He's left ice cubes on my carpet and a sandwich in a drawer. He's my pride and joy.

Me? I sometimes fear for my sanity but have learned over the years that motherhood is not for wimps and whatever we don't let beat us will make us stronger in the end! Welcome to my world!